Why Is It Difficult For A Child To Keep Secrets?
Keeping secrets is not an obligation, but it is part of an agreement that involves keeping certain information confidential. In general, this type of information is handled in an intimate personal circle, where at least two people agree not to reveal what has been told; But this is more of an adult task, which is why it is difficult for children to keep secrets.
It is understood that to maintain these types of agreements, it is necessary to have a certain emotional and cognitive maturity. In this sense, it is believed that asking a child to keep a secret is placing him in a very uncomfortable commitment for him, since his age goes hand in hand with his lack of social experience.
It can be said that it is against the nature of the child, to be able to keep confidential information, which even if it manages to hide it for a while, can cause severe emotional conflict. In the same way, getting a compelling reason to keep the secret could mean a sad manipulation.
On the other hand, we would be teaching him a value contrary to what perhaps we have taught him so far. Hiding things, lying or modifying information, contradicts much of the teachings that we have transmitted so far, which is why we can cause confusion that is difficult to cope with.
It is a mistake to ask a child to keep secrets
As we have already said, secrets are elements that adults handle, so it is advisable to avoid involving children. However, it is common for us to make the mistake of asking children not to say anything about something they saw or did, it is also frequent that this secret must be kept from their other parent and in general to another adult.
For a child, such a request could cause stress that emotionally compromises the child, who will suffer the tension within. Although it is entirely possible for the child to keep the secret, the pressure it reaches is very uncomfortable for the child, since it is likely that he will be the subject of questions and situations that terrify him because of the responsibility he feels.
Similarly, sometimes the request for confidentiality is not totally harmless, as it may be accompanied by some kind of threat or coercion. This could result in the child feeling that he is doing something wrong, therefore he is potentially guilty of an unwanted outcome.
Consequences of keeping secrets for children
As we have already said, children find it difficult to keep secrets, therefore, if we ask them to do so, we violate their pure nature and their normal level of emotional immaturity. By making this request to children, we threaten their emotional balance and predispose them to follow wrong patterns.
If in some way we teach children to hide things from their father or someone else, we are making them lie and get used to hiding other information. Without planning it, we are causing him to lie to ourselves and keep his own secrets from us; You will be confused as to the true reason for this practice.
Children should receive information that they can understand and interpret, let us avoid that they are involved in adult issues, so that they do not have to keep secrets that do not correspond to them. In this particular, it is necessary for education to be explicit that there should be no secrets in the home.
Using the right words for his age, speaking the truth, and being cautious about information that is shared with strangers, could prevent the child from suffering the emotional consequences of secrets at home . If a child is aware that there is no clarity in certain things in his family, he will begin to take it as normal and repeat.
Asking our children to keep secrets sets them up for other people to invite you to secrets as well. This could result in being a victim of abuse or in some way becoming an accessory to acts that are negative and with which they are not related.
It is convenient to avoid the breakdown of communication at home, in discussions and disagreements we leave the children aside; Let’s avoid forcing them to lie or hide information, even when this affects us. Children are emotionally fragile, therefore secrets are uncomfortable for them and cause a lot of distress.
