Parents Abused By Their Children: How To Act?
Unfortunately, parents abused by their children are a reality that grows more each year. These frightened, guilt and shame parents are silent about what is going on in the home. Meanwhile, the situation worsens and causes great suffering to all members of the family. How is it possible to go to these extremes? What can be done in such a situation?
It is estimated that around 14% of minors between the ages of 13 and 18 have exercised some type of aggression or violence against their parents. And it is that, on many occasions, it is a psychological or verbal abuse, less visible but equally worrying. In addition, to the difficulty in identifying that they are being abused is added the feeling of failure of the parents because they are experiencing such a harmful relationship with their child.
All of the above causes that, in most cases, these parents take too long to take action. The fear of recognizing the situation and seeking help makes this family dynamic become encrusted. However, it is important to understand the origin of these behaviors and to know that there are possibilities to reverse them.
Battered parents: how does this reality originate?
Lack of limits
Each child and each young person is a world, as is each family. For this reason, the reasons that can trigger the reality of abused parents are diverse. One of them, and perhaps the most recognized, is the lack of limits.
Terms such as “tyrant son” or “emperor syndrome” are becoming more and more popular. This occurs when, in the absence of clear rules, the child takes the place of the parents and imposes their will through threats or tantrums.
It is indisputable that children need limits in their education, as this provides them stability and security, and helps them build a healthy personality.
However, it is imperative that these standards are fair, clear and consistent. That is, they must be applied consistently and from a relationship of love, respect and consideration. When they are not present, family roles are blurred and children do not learn to tolerate frustration.
Frustration intolerance
Overprotection is another of the points that most generates abusive behaviors in minors. When, from childhood, they have not been given tools to tolerate the negatives and frustrations of life, they cannot be expected to know how to do it.
In this way, the little ones feel that everything must happen as they expect it, and that all their wishes and expectations must be satisfied. If this does not happen, they fly into a rage and react aggressively because they have not learned to manage these scenarios in a healthier and more assertive way.
Models of violence
On the other hand, on many occasions, the tendency of minors to react with aggression and violence is the product of the models they have observed during their growth.
If physical or verbal aggressions are common or accepted in the family, this remains in the behavioral repertoire of children as something to which they can resort. Imitation is one of the most powerful learning models.
How can abused parents act?
To properly address this issue and find a solution, it is important to remember that there is no blame. Abused parents should not feel, in any case, shame for what they are experiencing, because we all do the best we can and know how.
That said, undoubtedly the best strategy will always be prevention. Establishing a secure bond of attachment with children reduces the risk of violence arising in the family. A child who grows up feeling loved, respected and contained by his parents, who has received attention, affection and coherent limits, will find it very difficult to end up resorting to physical or verbal aggression.
However, when this situation has already occurred, it is important to seek help as soon as possible. With adequate psychological care, most families manage to correct the situation and adopt healthy dynamics. Silence and allow abuse only perpetuates the sense of superiority of the child and helplessness of the parents.
Finally, if the experience is critical and the integrity of any of the family members is in danger, it will be necessary to go to court. The limits have to begin to make an appearance in a firm way, even if this goes through a decision as tough as this.
