Envy In Children: Causes And Ways To Make It Disappear
Envy is a negative feeling, which impoverishes the soul of the person who feels it. In adults, it is usually related to monetary, work and even romantic issues. Now, what can motivate envy in children? We will see it next.
Based on the dictionary definition, we consider envy as the feeling of sadness or regret for the goods of others or the desire for something that is not owned. Although people resort to different beliefs and superstitions (such as the classic red ribbon) so as not to be invaded by their own envy or affected by that of others, it is very common for it to be there.
It is a practically universal feeling. No matter how hard you try, at some point in your life you will feel envy, since it is a reaction typical of social interaction.
Many times, it even has nothing to do with the lack of something. On the contrary, envious people are often those who are in a favorable position with respect to others. Still, they are bothered by happiness, material goods, or even opportunities presented to others.
Envy in children: what causes it?
In the little ones, the origin of envy can be manifested from parameters that are important to them. These might be:
- Ratings.
- Toys or other similar goods.
- Number of friends.
- Physical characteristics (being taller, skinny, stronger, etc.).
- Attention from the elderly (parents and teachers, mainly).
As we said previously, envy in children, as well as in adults, is not always linked to “not having”. There are many cases of children who have practically everything they have wanted and, nevertheless, when they observe that a friend buys something that they like, they immediately envy it and also want it.
One of the explanations for this feeling could be that they are not used to this “disadvantage” situation, so to speak. In other words, they were always the ones who had “that” that others wanted. When things are reversed, they are not amused at all.
What to do when a child is envious?
Beyond the specific cause that originates this feeling, there is also behind it all a certain lack of confidence, affection or self-esteem that needs to be addressed.
In other words, the child wants to constantly equal or exceed others because he believes that if he does not do so, he will be less listened to, loved or valued.
We propose below some practices that can be carried out in order to eradicate this resentment:
Do not compare it with other children
Comparisons are always hateful. Saying “Why aren’t you like Pedro, who gets good grades? or “Why don’t you kick like Juan? The last thing you do is motivate the little one to improve. Rather the complete opposite. You are creating an unhealthy competitive spirit in him.
So what you should do is set realistic goals based on himself. That is, these can be met in the short or medium term, to keep you excited. In this way, instead of being better than someone, you will lead him to be the best version of himself.
Give her attention and affection
Few things are more important in childhood than feeling cared for. The degree of attention, understanding and respect that a child receives should not be based on their grades, athletic performance or any other type of measurement.
Make your child feel like the protagonist of your life, regardless of the circumstances. Thus, envy will not take hold of him when his brother or a friend possesses something that he does not have. With the affection of his parents it will be enough.
Talk about envy with him
Here we are not just referring to telling you about its negative effects and “forbidding” you to be envious of others. In fact, envy in children can be channeled in a positive way.
How to do it? Try to foster in him a sense of healthy competition. In other words, if a friend has better grades, they can try harder to improve theirs. If another child plays tennis better, you can ask them to train together to empower each other or even pair up in a competition.
Envy in children, in the best sense of the phrase, can be a major driver in their lives. It should always be an impulse for self-improvement and should never mean a wish that the other will do badly.
Finally, and as we always say, do not forget that children are nothing more than a reflection of the behavior of their parents. For this reason, avoid making malicious comments (especially in his presence) and encourage in him a kind and understanding vision for the progress of other people.
