My Mother Has Another Partner, How Should I Act?
When you found out, your eyes went wide and your jaw dropped. Now you do not know how to assimilate it and you are afraid to say it out loud: “my mother has another partner.” What behavior is appropriate for this moment?
Accepting that your mother is in love with someone else is not easy, of course. Emotions and thoughts get into a ball and you don’t know how to order everything you’re feeling. Let’s go through parts to try to understand each edge of this situation.
My mother has another partner: putting my emotions in order
To begin with, it must be clear that everything that is happening to you is perfectly normal and that, with a little patience, everything will come to fruition. No one is going to ask you to become their best friend overnight and that everything be smiles; it is a process that requires going little by little, without forcing uncomfortable situations.
Take time to meet mom’s new partner. Observe him, listen to his opinions, see what tastes he has and do not anticipate making a premature judgment. When we do, it is more difficult for us to get out of that preconceived idea that we have made of the person, and this limits us to really knowing them.
The time has come for you to work on your empathy. Yes, we know that it is a word that is sometimes difficult to deal with. In adolescence, what interests you is that they understand you and empathize with you, not you with others.
However, you need to put yourself in your mother’s shoes for a few moments and understand how she feels. She may be happy about this new relationship, but rest assured that she is also worried about the reaction you may have and how it might affect you.
Jealousy: an obstacle to overcome
The previous point leads us to pay attention to the fact that jealousy is probably one of the emotions that you are feeling at this moment. Someone else has arrived who can take Mom’s attention and affection; You may think that you are no longer important to her or that she does not take into account what you feel.
However, you should know that the relationship between a mother and her children has nothing to do with that of a couple, even if this is their father. They are very different affections and, as a general rule, she will always prioritize the well-being of her children, that is, yours, when it comes to a new partner.
He deserves it! He thinks that it is very healthy for all members of the family to have an independent and happy life. In the same way that you claim your space and respect your relationships, your mother needs it too.
Tomorrow you will leave home and the big problem of “my mother has another relationship” will be an unimportant detail for you and a big change in her life. Trust her; If she has made the decision to be with someone else and has shared it with you, it is because she is sure that that person adds value to her life.
It is logical that a new situation like this could cause you insecurity. Approach your mother and tell her how you feel, reach out! She will be happy to listen to you and to find a way to make you feel more comfortable with this change.
My mother has another partner, how do I behave?
- Be as natural as possible and think that for the other person it is not easy either. He does not know if you are going to accept it, or how to approach you.
- Learn to be cordial. You don’t have to have a long talk with him, but you do have to say hello and answer his questions. Thus, you can see how the relationship flows.
- If you’re getting comfortable, you can try to find some connection with mom’s boyfriend. Maybe they share a taste or have similar interests. This could be a good way to get to know each other.
- You don’t have to call him daddy or stepdad, call him by name. Remember that he has not come to replace anything or anyone; neither the affection of your mother, nor the figure of your father.
Breathe, open up to meet him and understand that your mother deserves a second chance. Keep in mind that, for her, your well-being is paramount; This means that they are willing to listen to you and look for alternatives.
Finally, accept that, if your parents have separated, it is because they were very clear and most likely they will not be together again. Why not try to be happy each on their own?
