Who Do You Listen To When Mom Says YES And Dad Says NO?

The question of “who to pay attention to, Daddy or Mommy?” it can be a topic of debate in many families. The child must pay attention to mother, they say, because it is mother who spends the entire day with them and is the one who cares for them, feeds them, educates them and knows their needs and interests best. Before mom, you have to pay attention to dad – they say – because dad is the guide of the family, the one who must be respected and obeyed the most. But when Mommy says YES and Daddy says NO, the child has a hard time deciding which of the two to obey.

In the end, more than analyzing who is right, the child will opt for his taste and will end up paying attention to the one that suits him best at that moment.

Children are not responsible for discrepancies that exist between their parents. If parents do not have good communication with each other and never agree on something, children do not have to suffer the consequences. Parents’ doubts about what answer to give at a certain moment can disorient the child and cause him to not know how to act.

How should parents reach consensus and agree?

Agreeing does not mean fighting or arguing out loud about what “you are going to say or not to say to the child.” Reaching a consensus is not letting “the other give the answer to blame him in the event that what the child is going to do and for which he asked permission generates some reproach.”

To reach an agreement and reach a consensus is to dialogue and place the pros and cons on the table so that both parents, together, say YES or say NO. The child who receives the same response from both parents feels more secure.

Safety, happiness and education

The physical and mental protection of the child must be the first premise to take into account when making any decision that involves the child.

You also have to conceive of your happiness, your desires, and your emotional needs. A child needs and has the right to be happy and for their parents to do their best to guarantee it.

Finally, along with happiness, is education. Not always the most fervent wishes can come true because they go against the education and discipline that we want for our child.

At what point to talk about the child’s request?

Adults have to find the right moment to speak, especially when everyone thinks differently. This conversation concerns only the parents, so it is not necessary for the child to be in front and listen to what the parents have to discuss. It is good that the children do not see that the parents oppose themselves in front of them so that they have a single reference about what is right or wrong, what they should and what they should not do.

Any time can be a good time to talk to your partner as long as the child is not present.

How to give the answer to the child?

Answers to the child, whether affirmative or negative, should be given directly and firmly. You don’t have to beat around the bush to tell something YES or NO. Until your child has the necessary capacity to decide and choose the option that best suits him for himself, you are responsible for everything that happens to him and, therefore, to choose for him.

Do not be afraid if at first it is difficult for you to agree. Each person is different and it is normal for you to have different opinions. The task of being parents often consists of listening to others and being open to new ways of understanding life.  Little by little you will see that over time it costs you less to find the same solution without having to face or argue. Remember that dialogue is the best ally to have a good relationship with your partner.