How To Avoid Jealousy Between Siblings

Jealousy is a natural emotion in human beings that arises from the fear of losing an emotional bond. In a family, it is a normal emotion that appears when a new brother arrives: the child feels that the affection of his parents is at stake. However, it is important to know how to act to avoid jealousy between siblings and that this does not generate conflictive situations in the future.

Some experts believe that jealousy appears spontaneously at the news of the birth of a new baby. They are then part of a normal period as the child adjusts to the idea that he is no longer the center of attention of the whole family. The presentiment of the loss of love or the attention of the people most important to him can trigger various consequences.

Although they are normal, parents should avoid jealousy between siblings to a reasonable extent. If jealousy overflows, it can lead children to depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem. This could be detrimental and trigger lifelong sequelae. In addition, when they get out of control, jealousy can generate a progressive tension that affects the entire family group.

Jealousy between siblings: Causes

Fear is the first foundation of jealousy. The child is overcome by the anguish of losing the love and affection of his parents. This feeling appears at the moment when the child feels that his emotions are not reciprocated or are not with the frequency or intensity that he would like.

Another cause of the emergence of jealousy is the change in attitude of the mother before the birth of a new child. That change can be difficult for a child accustomed to a certain way of relating to his parents to tolerate. The child can interpret that he is being replaced.

It also sometimes happens that parents use persuasion techniques with their children that can be harmful. From phrases such as “if you don’t eat, mom won’t play with you”, the child can derive a wrong interpretation. That is, the mother will only play with the child who fulfills her wishes, that is, with the one who does eat.

Comparisons are also one of the main causes of jealousy and should be avoided in all circumstances. Each child is unique and must be valued as such.

But not only are older siblings the only ones prone to jealousy, but younger siblings can also feel jealous of older ones. Mutual jealousy can even arise. Whenever one brother feels that the other is treated in a preferential way, there is a risk of the appearance of jealousy.

 The consequences of jealousy

There may be unfavorable consequences for the behavior of children who experience jealousy. These changes are the main motivation of parents to avoid jealousy between siblings:

• They adopt aggressive or irritable behaviors.
• They can make them withdrawn or sad.
• When they are young, they may regress to past moments in their evolutionary development, such as re-wetting the bed or using a bottle again.
• They have tantrums.

These behaviors are generally intended to get the desired attention.

How to avoid jealousy between siblings?

It is very important, at all times, to strengthen children’s self-worth and self-esteem. The uncertainty between the siblings should be reduced in such a way that all the components of the family group are integrated and know that the feelings of the parents are shared in a fair and transparent way.

When a new member is about to arrive in the family, the parents must have a lot of contact with the older brother. They should explain the changes that are coming, make him share in the joy and positive aspects that the arrival of the new member of the group will bring.

At all times it is advisable to maintain the child’s routine before the arrival of a baby brother. The times of meals, sleeping and bathing must remain unchanged.

Taking sides for one child or another is very harmful when a conflict occurs between siblings. Parents should try to stay out of these confrontations, leaving -as far as possible- it is the siblings themselves who solve it.

The parents’ understanding should be towards both siblings. Each one has a dose of reason and parents must have the ability to listen to both. Each one, separately, should know that their parents understand their arguments and value their feelings. This is the best formula to avoid jealousy between siblings.